Wow..I'm actually writing!

I never blog on here anymore. Life is very busy and let's face it, I just really liked JS. Oh well. I must move on! lol The owner of the house that we're in has decided to sell because it's in foreclosure. They called and said that I could probably stay maybe 2-3 months and I instantly went into panic mode. All I could see, was me and the kids back at the shelter. I freaked out. I cried, and then I went into survival mode. The very next day, I found a nice, newer house for the kids and I. The new owner is more hands on and seems like a more honorable man to tell you the truth. My current landlord is already giving me a hard time about my deposit. It's okay. I will find the records. I let myself stay in fear for a little while before my sponsor brought me back to reality and made me realize that it's God's will and not mine. Everything falls into place just like it should when I stop fighting and being a control freak.

In other news...Lauren will be a junior this year and Phoenix is starting kindergarten. Orion just started pre-school. It's amazing just how fast they grow. Neither Lauren's father or the boy's father has shown any interest in knowing their children. It's really too bad. They don't know what they are missing. Lauren actually called her dad's house yesterday and her great-grandmother answered and hung up on her! I was furious, but in the end...she's probably better off. She doesn't need people in her life that aren't healthy. I just made sure that she was ok and understood that it wasn't anything that she was lacking. She's a great kid. Beautiful, smart, everyting you could ask for in a daughter. The boys are growing up to be awesome as well.

Once again, I'm going to leave it up to God's will. I'm just so grateful to have the privelage of having these wonderful children.

I see light at the end of the tunnel

Wow...I'm so exhausted. Five finals in the last three days. It's four in the morning and I'm still working on this research paper for my ethnic studies class. I'm praying and breathing a lot. I turn this paper in tomorrow and then I have three weeks off until summer school starts. I can't wait. I just checked my transcipt. I have a running GPA of 3.5 Not bad for a single mom of three who's constantly pulling her hair out! lol Hope everyone is well. Take care and I will get around more once I start my lil mini vacation. Much love and respect to all. :-)

Summer here I come

Next week is finals and then I'm all done with this semester. Yay! I'm so looking forward to having a few weeks off before summer school starts. Life is still going great. Phoenix starts kindergarten in August, and he's so excited! I can't believe it! My babies are growing up! Lauren will be a junior in high school next year. Wow...where does the time go? I'm currently in the process of potty training Orion, and that has been a challenge to say the very least. He's just not interested. Oh well...when he's ready...he's ready. :-) Other then that...I'm just keeping my nose to the grindstone. Going to NA meetings, keeping up with school, and suiting up and showing up for my kids. I figure that's all God really has in store for me right now. I know that Mr. Right is out there...but he'll just have to wait a lil while longer because I still have much work to do. :-)

Blessed

Dad, Mom, and I went to the award ceremony dinner for the scholarship that I received last night. It was really nice. Very fancy. I didn't know until I got there, but I was the honorary guest. I was saved for the last, since my award was the biggest sum out of everybody's. I received a check for $1000. I'm trying to save up for a new car, so this is really going to help.

All the award recipients had their pre-prepared speeches going on. I was like whoops! Was I supposed to have one of those?! lol I'm used to public speaking because I do so much of it in recovery. As I got up to the podium, I became very emotional. I told everyone that I was just going to wing it. I spoke from my heart. I cried. People cried. My parents were proud.

My life has changed so much in such a short time. I'm coming up on four years clean. July marks the anniversary of leaving my husband and moving the shelter and creating a new life for the kids and I. Life is amazing. Had you told it would be like this a few years ago...I would of never believed. I am so blessed.

I did it!

I have officially completed The Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous.

Step Twelve: "Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs."

Now it's time for me to start sponsoring other women and give what was so freely given to me. A new way of life.

So many things...so little time

I attended the NA convention weekend before last. What an awesome experience to say the very least. There is something to be said about the power of being in a room of over 8000 recovering addicts all there for the same purpose. To carry the message. To care and love one another. It was absolutely amazing! Words cannot describe it! I had a great time!

In other news...I am dealing with the fact that I have a teenage daughter that has raging hormones. She recently came to to me and shared the news that she is no longer a virgin. A part of me was devestated, but a part of me was also honored by the fact that she felt enough trust in me to share that much of herself. I know that I would of never shared that experience with my mother at that age. I guess I'm doing something right. I've felt a lot of heart ache over this. The loss of her innocence. I know that this was a long time coming. I've talked to my support group and I've worked through the pain. I just want to be there for her and help her to make healthy, responsible decisions.

Today, my ethnic studies professor told me that he was nominating me for an award at school. It an award that has to do with scholastics as well as outside endeavors. He was impressed with my work in the recovery process. I am truly honored.

So much is happening. I have come so far in such a short time. I am just two courses away from completing my coursework for my major in Administration of Justice. I can't believe it! It seems just like yesterday when I started! :-)

omg..

I can't believe this sh*t! I had all of last week off and I just now get sick?! I haven't felt this bad in years. I didn't have the sheer will to force myself to get out of bed today. Just couldn't do it. Not to sound like a big baby...but I just feel like crying right now. That's how bad I feel.